It is time. To break this illusion.



?

By my side...

After all... I still want to write here, and not only bad things also good things.. But to be honest my inspiration comes always from bad thoughts... I don't even know what's the problem, there is no real problem, only bad thoughts that sometimes come to me. My boyfriend made me a very good point a couple of days ago...If in the world there would be more trust maybe things could be better. Maybe is true and it would be nice if it could be possible. But I'm struggling, I don't think I'm getting any good trusting more in people... I still trusting only myself. I feel like I'm dreaming a dream alone... Literally alone and it hurts sometime, especially whenever I realize it. Is there anybody who trusts in my ambitions and my qualities? They just look at me like a poor dreamer... I don't even know if that dream will end one day... I just know that I won't stop dreaming and more than everything, smiling. My reason to smile today is living... and hope. The hope that my dreams will become true and maybe if not all of them just some or at least one. And if none of them will be realized I can die without the regret of not having dreamt before. There is a line in the middle...Between real life and dreams, the challenge is to get there. Now, some people get there and others not. That's it. I want to try, I'm not going to give up just because the fashion of today is to be cynical as much as possible. Don't care.

What else? Oh yes...Can you believe that I'm scared to be too happy?

Every time I feel so happy, suddenly I feel so scared. I feel like something it has to be wrong, it is impossible that I'm actually happy. Why is this? Why can't I just feeling my happiness without any worries? Why?

I'll be fine.

I hope.

V

tears

What are tears? I need to breathe my freedom.

I'm afraid of loneliness.

I and I are inseparable. My reason to smile today is drying my tears.

understimated love.

Here I am. In the target of a nonsense love. A wall at the end... I remember to have suffered so far 4 years ago.... And now here I am.

I'm sure you know how it feels to love a person who does not love you?

You probably don't need to be passionate, you don't need to love someone with all yourself. Why choose always the most difficult? It would be easy to do of ourselves a throne of life. But my tears continue to fall, tears of pain because my soul knows that I will suffer but my mind doesn't let me go. To leave. When I love, I love too much. This is my problem. The biggest of my life. The fables don't exist and I always put myself in complex stories, too complicated for me. But I never realize it in time. It's always too late. But what am I doing here? Tomorrow the man who I think to love could leave because he thinks that escape might be the right solution to love himself. I am destroyed. I have nothing more to give, I gave my soul. I want to scream to the world that to love ourselves doesn't depend where we are but from something is within us. We could be in the heaven but still feel the same bad sensation. But I'm tired. I'm tired to love and feeling my love rejected because understimated. I'm sure that someone, somewhere in the world, is crying at this moment..like me. For the opposite reason. Because maybe he doesn't think there is someone that loves like me.

a reason to remember...

When I was a child and I watched this for the first time with my dad..I was scareeeeed! But I used to sleep with him after, so..I liked it. Tonight I'll be more simple... I've already seen my old posts were so paranoids. I know, I AM PARANOID...But I'm trying to stop. Enjoy this film then...I still watch it with eyes of a child..

IF....

I feel empty. 3am, an empty saturday night for me...Well, not so empty...But very spiritual, just rounding on the street, Shoredich, Brick Lane...Lots of people here they used to say that there are "fashionable" places. I don't know if it true or not..I like to be there, also only to analyse people...I'm wondering about things I shouldn't think about. I know. I should stop to think and think...What am I doing??

V

"..you live on a cloud in the sunshine all around..."

Ok, is my first post. I don't want too many ceremonies on it... I was wondering about friends. Who are my friends? Why, if I am so selective, should I still got these friends which I have doubts about.. I'm so good on my own, what's the matter? I'm ready to leave them, to do something different... I used to want always something different. At same time I'm tired to discuss and discuss, I just don't want to be obsessed about who are really my friends or not. I have already more important things to think. My reason to smile today is music.... (Well, it will be often, I know).

V